Pet grief is intense and there’s not a lot of help out there for it. So here are some tips for dealing with pet grief. (And we just wrote about helping your dog at the end of their life.)
When a human we know dies, there are all kinds of rituals that help us to acknowledge and process that. But when a pet dies, often, even people who are somewhat close to us don’t understand the significance of that loss. Coworkers can expect us to immediately be back to work. Friends wonder why we’re canceling plans and isolating. Again, none of that would be read as “odd” if the being who died were human.
Even though none of us who have lost pets have to be told this, there is research supporting the fact that the loss of a pet can be as devastating as the loss of a human. When you consider all that dogs do for us in terms of our mental health, this makes perfect sense.
So let’s look at some ways you can help yourself and other loved ones through this loss.
Rituals
Humans need rituals. And they especially need rituals during times of profound loss. But again, we don’t have a lot of rituals available to us when a beloved dog dies. So we have to do the work a bit ourselves.
Here are some ritual ideas:
- First and foremost, make sure you and everyone who loved your dog get some time with them after they have passed away. This includes other animals in the house. It’s important for us to know that someone has died. We need this physical evidence to help our brains to accept this truth.
- If you’re burying your dog yourself, think about creating an actual funeral. Don’t just quickly dig and run. Wrap your dog in a favorite blanket. Have some flowers. Throw some treats in with them. Say some words.
- Find a way to memorialize them in your home, especially during the first year. Create a simple altar with photos and candles, for example.
- If you have them cremated, buy a beautiful container. Or have some of their ashes made into jewelry. (Like this.)
Self care
We’ll keep saying this to assure you of the truth of it: Just like if a human died you need to take care of yourself.
- Make sure you’re eating and staying hydrated. (Crying can be very dehydrating.)
- Keep to your routines. This may be extra hard if your dog was a huge part of your routines. Just acknowledge that as you go about your day.
- Take hot baths to relax before bed. Sleeping might get extra difficult.
- Journal. Take some time to write out happy memories.
- If you have other animals, allow them to help you. They will step up in ways that will surprise you.
- If you are really suffering, ask for help. Find a friend to talk to whom you know understands these things or find a therapist. Sometimes you can find one that specializes in pet grief.
Above all, give yourself time.
There will be firsts of everything that you’ll need to go through. For example, their first birthday without them here, the first Christmas and string of holidays, and finally the year anniversary of their death. The year anniversary can be very difficult. Keep that in mind.
Give yourself time, be gentle, and stay open to a new friend coming along.